when I’m a parent, I’m going to give my child the day of the full moon off from school every month and see how long it takes the administration to notice
reason 325 why tumblr users should never be parents
reason 325 why tumblr users should definitely be parents
my children will have a great childhood
If I was a famous author I would publish a book with ten different endings which all went to print with varying degrees of rarity, but not tell the fans about it so that I could watch their confusion as they disagree over how the story ended. Then when they figured it out I would ‘come clean’, telling them that I had released eleven alternate endings and watch them panic again as they all try to find the last ending.
are you satan
Yeah, you, the person who looks incredibly bored. Yeah, you. I’m talking to you.
You have really nice eyes.
I like your smile, too, because it means you’re happy, and I like it when you’re happy.
Now keep on scrolling because this is really embarrassing for me, okay?
how does one tell a boy that one likes him
I am a boy and have a foolproof plan for this:
- text them and start playing one of those 20q games
- if they start being a dodgy fella drop em
- if they ask “You like anyone?”
reply Yeah, you.
- If they give you a negative reply sayin they dont like you back then just correct yourself to “*Yeah, you?”
dude that is genius
slow clappin’ it out.
thank you boy of tumblr
Also, if you’re burying a full body, make sure you bury them vertically. Satellites orbiting earth look for holes that are approx. 6ft long because that’s suspicious. Ideally though, drain your body of fluids in a tub ((mix fluids with bleach and let them soak before draining and take precautions to keep your house from smelling like death from your sink and whatnot. Draining the body also keeps decomp at bay a bit and makes it easier to portion)) and cut it to bits. It’s easier to bury a head than a whole body, and takes less time so you don’t have to tell your neighbors, “Oh, I’m night gardening!”
Also, if a dog happens across it, it’s more likely it will devour a single body part than all of your ex-husband.
Another method is to put it into a septic tank. They’re a plethora of bacteria, and the smell of waste covers the smell of decomposition very well.
You should also destroy all teeth, massacre the face and burn fingerprints/remove finger tips to keep from identifying by anything other than DNA.
how the fuck do you know this shit what the fuck
tumblr scares me
cant learn this shit in school
I WILL SWITCH PLACES WITH EITHER ONE OF THEM. PLEASE
I showed my dad this picture and he said and I quote
“NO I would not like to switch places with either one of them. *5 minutes later after convo has ended* Actually let me take that back. I would like to be either one of them. I could be famous and on stage with the boys. So yes I would love to be either one of them or just near them doing that”