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Posted 2 hours ago

pumpernicklefagbag:

ragehappystolemysleep:

harrystylesnickgrimshaw:

when I’m a parent, I’m going to give my child the day of the full moon off from school every month and see how long it takes the administration to notice

reason 325 why tumblr users should never be parents

reason 325 why tumblr users should definitely be parents

my children will have a great childhood

via ithinkjordanissexy
Text 148145
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Posted 2 hours ago

starrynights-:

shouldertappingghosts:

If I was a famous author I would publish a book with ten different endings which all went to print with varying degrees of rarity, but not tell the fans about it so that I could watch their confusion as they disagree over how the story ended. Then when they figured it out I would ‘come clean’, telling them that I had released eleven alternate endings and watch them panic again as they all try to find the last ending.

are you satan

via why-am-i-not-a-cat-yet
Photo 288
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Posted 10 hours ago

(Source: michaelmyotp)

via ziallstop
Text 17083
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Posted 10 hours ago

serpenscape:

Hey, you.

Yeah, you, the person who looks incredibly bored. Yeah, you. I’m talking to you.

You have really nice eyes.

I like your smile, too, because it means you’re happy, and I like it when you’re happy.

Now keep on scrolling because this is really embarrassing for me, okay?

via payneful-days
Video 4920
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Posted 10 hours ago

beatinmyfeet:

x

what are all of them doing lol

(Source: horanhazza)

via xl3eautiful
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Posted 1 day ago

anaisforthewin:

shapeshiftandtrick:

ryan-aniki:

shapeshiftandtrick:

how does one tell a boy that one likes him

I am a boy and have a foolproof plan for this:

  1. text them and start playing one of those 20q games
  2. if they start being a dodgy fella drop em
  3. if they ask “You like anyone?”
     reply Yeah, you.
  4. If they give you a negative reply sayin they dont like you back then just correct yourself to “*Yeah, you?”

dude that is genius

slow clappin’ it out.

thank you boy of tumblr

via ithinkjordanissexy
Photo 244315
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Posted 1 day ago
bbycheetahbubbles: jesuislegrandefromage: Also, if you’re burying a full body, make sure you bury them vertically. Satellites orbiting earth look for holes that are approx. 6ft long because that’s suspicious. Ideally though, drain your body of fluids in a tub ((mix fluids with bleach and let them soak before draining and take precautions to keep your house from smelling like death from your sink and whatnot. Draining the body also keeps decomp at bay a bit and makes it easier to portion)) and cut it to bits. It’s easier to bury a head than a whole body, and takes less time so you don’t have to tell your neighbors, “Oh, I’m night gardening!” Also, if a dog happens across it, it’s more likely it will devour a single body part than all of your ex-husband. Another method is to put it into a septic tank. They’re a plethora of bacteria, and the smell of waste covers the smell of decomposition very well. You should also destroy all teeth, massacre the face and burn fingerprints/remove finger tips to keep from identifying by anything other than DNA. how the fuck do you know this shit what the fuck tumblr scares  me cant learn this shit in school Zoom

bbycheetahbubbles:

jesuislegrandefromage:

Also, if you’re burying a full body, make sure you bury them vertically. Satellites orbiting earth look for holes that are approx. 6ft long because that’s suspicious. Ideally though, drain your body of fluids in a tub ((mix fluids with bleach and let them soak before draining and take precautions to keep your house from smelling like death from your sink and whatnot. Draining the body also keeps decomp at bay a bit and makes it easier to portion)) and cut it to bits. It’s easier to bury a head than a whole body, and takes less time so you don’t have to tell your neighbors, “Oh, I’m night gardening!”

Also, if a dog happens across it, it’s more likely it will devour a single body part than all of your ex-husband.

Another method is to put it into a septic tank. They’re a plethora of bacteria, and the smell of waste covers the smell of decomposition very well.



You should also destroy all teeth, massacre the face and burn fingerprints/remove finger tips to keep from identifying by anything other than DNA.

how the fuck do you know this shit what the fuck

tumblr scares  me

cant learn this shit in school

(Source: actualadvicemallard)

via ithinkjordanissexy
Video 188678
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Posted 1 day ago

mymindpalaceisatardis:

viacherbourgandqueenstown:

It’s that time of month again… you know what that means…

BEST DESCRIPTION OF A PERIOD I HAVE EVER SEEN IN MY ENTIRE LIFE

via ithinkjordanissexy
Text 14856
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Posted 1 day ago

spankmeniall:

how the irish deal with straight vodka
image
how the british deal with straight vodka
image

 

via ithinkjordanissexy
Photo 12877
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Posted 1 day ago
thatgwenchick: I WILL SWITCH PLACES WITH EITHER ONE OF THEM. PLEASE I showed my dad this picture and he said and I quote “NO I would not like to switch places with either one of them. *5 minutes later after convo has ended* Actually let me take that back. I would like to be either one of them. I could be famous and on stage with the boys. So yes I would love to be either one of them or just near them doing that” Zoom

thatgwenchick:

I WILL SWITCH PLACES WITH EITHER ONE OF THEM. PLEASE

I showed my dad this picture and he said and I quote

“NO I would not like to switch places with either one of them. *5 minutes later after convo has ended* Actually let me take that back. I would like to be either one of them. I could be famous and on stage with the boys. So yes I would love to be either one of them or just near them doing that”

(Source: marmarstylinson)

via ithinkjordanissexy